Long time no blog

I have been distracted by life. I'm going to post here a little.

Readings

I'm struggling with my new book. I think I may summarize them as I read to help process them.

Meditation on emptyness

.... there I am, working on my centered... filling my soul.... getting my whatever in line....
My thoughts on what fills the emptiness...

What fills the glass?

Sure enough... My mentally ill father... the partial source of my struggles in my head.... Decides to Try and upload some drama. His inner child desiring what I am getting... his destructive tendencies getting the best of him... overwhelming his cup... instead of emptying his glass... his solution is to try and fill mine.

So... I let it spill. Of course he gets angry... I mock.... but my glass is not for you to fill.
The drama happens... it's ok. It's my relation to the suffering. I'm good with his spilt liquid.

Empty the glass, be careful of what re-fills it. All maner of Unpleasantness will seek to enter one's open space, clear head, empty mind.

Now how to fill it with Bliss/Joy... happiness.

Setting in motion the wheel of sunday....

Trying to refill my soul... 

Doing a little meditation this afternoon.

Fasting.

need a shower.

starving.

Filled with desire and suffering.

Making letting creating, misery.
Asking it to rain, forcing the rain trying to see what develops in my mind.

Contemplating the emptiness that develops... how we deal or fill, that emptiness.

Notes on the blog

I'm trying to do this site as a Beta. Develop some ideas, figure out what work then move them to another site.
that last few weeks I haven't felt very "centered". I am feeling better. Getting more exercise, taking care of business... etc.
Joyful participation in the sorrows of the world. It's not feeling very Joyful.

I'm distracted... with my real life.

I had an experience this week, People not experiencing the world the way I do. Convinced into their narrative...convinced into their thesis.... pre determined thesis.. Let them have their illusion.

What would we do....

   I was thinking about something. It was about how we love to be outraged at other people's wrongness. We love to hop on our high horse, claim someone to be lesser than we are. Less moral, less enlightened, Less evolved, Less christian.... etc etc etc... name your self righteousness.

As I sit here, I wonder how much I do this. It's not a matter of if I do it, I know I do. The question is when I'm doing it and how to deal with it. Certainly keep that in mind as I tap into this little missive.

What would we do without or victim status. Yes, I know there are real victims out there. Real people hurt in real ways, by real things... but what would we possible do without feeling sorry for ourselves, as though we have been wronged.

What would we do if we couldn't blame everyone else for making us unhappy, for making us feel bad about ourselves. Mostly I believe I hate myself, mostly for being human. For not being a superhero.

What would we do without being able to tell ourselves someone is stopping us, making us miserable, Irritating us.... etc

Probably start taking ownership of our lives.....

It's dangerous... well dangerous to take ownership.....

but Yes.... Sometimes we can't do it... Sometimes life is so insurmountable... and... bad things happen. You are right, nothing can be done about that stuff. What I think you can do is keep your eye on your life... take ownership of your motion, of your presence, of your.... Breath as the yogies say... That you can own.

Maybe if you have your "presence", Your breath... maybe we realize that the external stuff isn't changing our breath or "Presence"... I don't know.

Story

"

There was a storm. And thousands and thousands of starfish were washed up on the shore. And there was this beautiful little girl was running down the beach and she was picking up the starfish, she was frantically throwing them back into the ocean. When I saw her doing this I said to her, 'Why are you doing that? You can only save a few before they die, what difference does it make?' And she looked at me and she said, 'To THAT one, it makes a difference.' To THAT one, it makes a difference, that little girl said. And she was right and at that very moment she was making a difference for that starfish and she was making a difference for herself too because she was connected, to that starfish.